


Wonder if

by Hipsterian



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Cute, M/M, Tender Feelings, building up the relationship, self-indulgent story, soft, songkim implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-29 07:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16259174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hipsterian/pseuds/Hipsterian
Summary: Seungyoon wonders if, maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is just a self-indulgent story. Nothing less, nothing more.  
> But, regardless of it, I hope you can enjoy it ~
> 
> As you might know by now, English is not my native tongue, so sorry for all the mistakes.  
> Comments and kuddos are more than welcome and always very much appreciated!
> 
> Have a lovely day and thank you for your time!

He beams at his sight and has to refrain the urge to run to him, to feel him closer, his smell spreading from his skin like perfume - smooth and subtle but it is his essence and he loves it, he adores every little detail of him: from the creases on his monolids to the way his hair is golden under the autumn vibe that shines through the window. Waiting for him physically hurts - his chest constricts and his heart beats, accelerated, anxious to be next to him, to brush accidentally his hand and let the butterflies revolve where the contact is made, his warmth underneath his bones and flesh. He can't dally to see him again, to hear his voice and to color his thoughts (to discover if what he wonders it's what he wants too, to paint by numbers his dream with the hidden hints on his speech and acts towards him). 

He waves excitedly, answering to his smile and, unable to wait any longer, he jogs to him like a happy puppy - Seunghoon has to stop himself from petting his fluffy head, running fingers in between soft, curly hair. For him, Seungyoon is the embodiment of affection and he can't help but grins at the image of the younger running to him, delicate ringlets covering his sides, whirling over his forehead. 

From afar, Jinwoo smirks at him, running to join them - and his presence is more than welcomed, he doesn’t break the charm. Instead, he allows Seungyoon to contemplate him freely while he talks and jokes with Jinwoo, and the three laugh together, their voices blending like poetry, like a song about to be sing. It’s nice, it’s comfortable, it’s all Seungyoon dreams about - and he dreams about soft kisses pouring down, interlocking fingers, hands held together, his chin resting on his shoulder so he can snuffle gently his skin, touching with his nose the blond hair of his nape.

They walk whilst chatting about life and common days and Seungyoon smiles, softly, gazing at Seunghoon messing and having fun out of Jinwoo - Seunghoon wraps his arms around Jinwoo's shoulders and they are so close that Seungyoon feels the anxiety of their proximity burning over his own flesh like the touch they both share and it scorches his heart, blisters covering his hands as if burnt by a jealousy that should be nonexistent (for they are only friends even though his mind plays tricks and games). 

“Oh, sorry boys, but I have to go! I have a movie date with Minho” Jinwoo excuses himself, blinking cutely at Seungyoon as if sensing the tension built up a second ago, and he doesn’t need to be told that it’s an excuse to leave him alone with the one he is in love with - for Jinwoo his feelings are clear as water is, he can see through them with just a single glance (he has never tried to steal Seunghoon, to take away his attention; they are only dear friends who love to laugh and to be handsy with each other; years together allows them such a closeness and he knows, but his chest still pangs and aches whenever they are too near, whispering little nothings to ones other's ears. In the end, Jinwoo has his Minho as he has Seunghoon, wondering, waiting, longing for something more than just friendship but not brave enough for taking the lead, for stepping out the comfort zone and get what their hearts' desire). 

Dinner goes on smoothly and, whenever Seunghoon fills up his plate with more grilled meat, Seungyoon’s heart skips a beat and his cheeks are colored in rose once Seunghoon’s hands brush past his own, letting the caress lingers on his skin, gingerly allowing the feeling to bloom inside his veins and bones where the butterflies are already tickling and his skin is rosy and it’s such a relief when Seunghoon avoids asking him the reason after him fluttering - his fingers wobble excitedly at the prospect of been touched again and he cuts the meat this time, taking away the scissor from Seunghoon, another excuse to brush his arms against his.

“You are so slim Seungyoon-ah!” his hyung complains, looking at him worriedly - Seungyoon’s chest expands with pride for something that feels a bit wrong but that makes him feel completely right. -  He has been working restlessly for his last assignment so it's not a wonder that he has lost weight, not having the time for a decent meal “What are you even eating? Yakult?” Seunghoon doesn’t laugh as he does, the concern is drawn on his face and Seungyoon should be preoccupied if only he wasn’t too caught up smiling fondly at the image of Seunghoon caring about him in a way that is probably different to what he means - he is always preoccupied about him in a fraternal way only, tossing his hair affectionately but there is nothing to read further into it. 

"But, hyung, I'm not a baby, I can take care of myself" he pouts in a manner he hopes it is adult enough for Seunghoon to stop looking at him like a child - he wants to be just a boy, someone who can pick up his interest, someone he can fall in love with, not a charity case, not as somebody to take pity of because he doesn’t know how to look after himself because he is too engrossed by work.

  
"I know. But you are so young. If I don't take care of you, you would only eat Yakult. Look, you are losing your baby fat cheeks that I like the most! It's obvious that I can't leave you alone" he protests, his voice filled up with care and softness, fondness at the very end of his words. Seungyoon flushes red instantly, thinking that maybe, maybe, Seunghoon means it - that he can have some solace in the fact that Seunghoon likes him too.

“See? You look so cute!" he says, smirking at him, pointing at him, looking at him adoringly - like a little brother that did something to be praised for. 

  
Seungyoon smiles, ashamed, but his heart beats doted of what he has just told him  - he can't care because Seunghoon thinks about him; he would let him babyied as much as he pleases if it only means to be with him, to have him near, to be graced by his hands on his cheeks, pinching them indulgently.

  
"How am I suppose to leave you alone?" It's teasing but Seungyoon wants for nothing but to be with him forever, for Seunghoon to stick to his words, to vow to him to always be by his side and he can’t halt the torrent  that has risen up his throat - they scratch from the inside, wanting to come out, to speak the truth for once, to tell him what he feels, how deep in love with him he is.

  
"Then, don't go, stay with me" he dares to plead and it comes out as a whisper holding all of Seungyoon's wishes, all the stars shining in his eyes like fireflies waiting for Seunghoon's answer, for the magic to be over, for him to implore him to go, to stop clinging onto him like a lost boy. But Seunghoon's hands find their way to his cheeks, and it feels warm when he cradles them, caressing lovingly his skin and he is all that dwells in his blood.

"You are such a little baby, Seungyoonie" he replies, his pupils reflexing his, fireworks painting the sky of his orbs. He melts into them - he melts into his embrace.

  
"Are you going to take care of me, then?" his voices is a puff of air, hot and shaking and it brushes away Seunghoon's hair - he is so close he can feel his flesh under his, fingers consuming his bones like flames that rain over his features. He stares into his soul acutely and he shivers, bathed with the light that comes from Seunghoon who retain him from falling apart (from falling into him like dust to the universe). 

  
"Always." It sounds like a promise but he knows better: he knows that he is a teaser, a messer, that he means nothing with it - by tomorrow Seunghoon will forget it all and he will be the only one to remember the taste of his nails pressed so close to his lips that he could taste them.

For a second that stretches like an eternity, energy between them buzzes. Seungyoon feels the rush that runs down his spine - like a summer night, it is hot against his ribs - and he believes that this is the moment - the moment of truth, when he will kiss him and Seunghoon would laugh, brushing it off as if nothing, ignoring the way Seungyoon breaks in front of him.

  
But it's Seunghoon who kisses first and Seungyoon doesn't dare to push his lips away - he doesn't because this is his dream, all he has been craving for and that now is spreading inside his chest under the form of a tepid taste that drowns all his senses. Instead, his hands hold his frame and he sneaks inside his loving arms, letting them to hold him. When he opens his eyes, Seunghoon is all he can see and his face lit with the warmth of the memory of his lips on his - the texture, the taste, the sensation, the feeling of savoring him, finally, for real. Seunghoon smiles at him, forehead touching, his nose rubbing his, his hands pressed on his waist, thumbs dancing over his shirt, tracing circles that melt away his fears, any resistance.

  
"You are, indeed, such a cutie, Seungyoonie," he says with his mouth partially opened and his eyes show so much emotion, adoration coloring them with gloss. He trembles at his fierce stare that displays all his feeling that, since then, had been under a coat of possibilities that he couldn't find out. 

  
"Would you kiss me again?" it comes coarse, but Seunghoon soothes him with a blooming love that feels so unreal - but his lips lingering over his remains on his system, he can still perceive them so close that his breath belongs to Seunghoon, that he can drink the air straight from his lungs. 

"Do you want me to?" it sounds promising, inviting, tempting. Seungyoon doesn't want to be parted from him, not a single bit of space - he needs Seunghoon to hold him. He blinks with impossible eyes where all the stars in the universe dangle and Seunghoon's hands pull him in.

The kiss is soft and gentle as he has always been. Seungyoon purrs into it, leaving away all of his fears - after all, it’s Seunghoon, he is fearless and bold and he loves him too. With him around, nothing can't be wrong.


	2. Look after you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter is basically the song I was listening to while writing it.   
> I wasn't planning to write it but I couldn't resist collecting all the tweets I made into a second part.   
> I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Have a wonderful day ~

Being with him is like a Sunday afternoon: cozy, warm, laughing on the sofa while failing to watch a movie, kissing slowly, dreamily under blankets, Haute jumping from Seunghoon’s lap to the floor and back again to smear over them. It was comfortable, sunny, lovely and familiar. It was exactly like him, his Lee Seunghoon.

Soon, soft, peppered kisses turn into making out on the couch, hands traveling under clothes, scuttling to touch more, to explore further in regions that are all new - Seungyoon blushes hard but his fingers slide down, fidgeting the hem of his jeans, wishing to sink into the skin below. He wants him, he wants more, he clings into him like water, legs on his hips, lips pressed hard and his breath mixes with his, panting softly to the beats of his heart, his head on his shoulder where he can hear his pulse throbbing, pulsating with the force of his name tattoed underneath his flesh. He carries him effortlessly, a hand under his back and the other wavering on his shirt.

The door shoots closed and Haute barks from the other side, where they crash, laughing, over a never made bed that smells like summer nights and his wide smile. He kisses him after landing on safe land, Seunghoon giggles under his weight, letting him brush his lips with the air coming from between his teeth. Seungyoon’s hands find it hard to resist the urge and so they wait, expectant, for his needs to be satiated - for Seunghoon to allow him to have him the way he dreams off, when the night is damp and he moans, alone, his name, fingers under the blanket and pleasure written all over his face (lust and shame bleeding on his cheeks that are tinted in hues of red and rose).

"Can I see you, hyung?" he wonders, hands wandering over his sides. Under him, Seunghoon is a wavering sea, he swings at the same pace as he is caressing his skin, fingers fidgeting with the end of his shirt. It's slowly but surely, his digits press on his bones and Seunghoon beams at him, smiling lovingly. When he removes it, his skin glows in silver, bathed by the moon and it's beautiful. Toned and cold, Seungyoon stares in awe, kissing his collarbones and his neck looks impossible long and tempting - and when he dares to press lips there, Seunghoon moans, hips so close to his that he can feel his delight.  
"I love you so much, hyung. I'm blessed to have you" he murmurs, his mouth slightly opened, tongue wetting his flesh.

Loving Seunghoon feels impossible. He sinks into his charms as if something new, amazed at every single detail of him, entranced, memorizing all of his forms, tracing them with butterfly fingers that fly across his chest, pumping hard against his ribs. He is wonderful, all exposed, coated in shadows of silver and golden, his chest sways at the same pace as Seungyoon’s fingertips dig farther onto him, tracing his bones and skin.

Seunghoon lifts his lips to kiss him quietly. There is no hunger nor urgency in him, he relishes into his inviting mouth and presses it gently, caressing the end of his nape, fingers fidgeting with the soft hair on his skin. Under him, the view is too beautiful to understand, too perfect to reach and so he gets immersed in his starry eyes.

Seunghoon lays flat, pinned between his hands and the bed and he is wonderful, shining like the sun, eyes on him as if adoring, as if he could be worshiped - and Seungyoon feels so undeserving, what has he done to be so loved?

"How can I not love you?" Seunghoon reads his mind as he has always done, decoding all the intricate bits of his character, "you are simply adorable" and he kisses him fully, hands grasping his back, pulling him closer, so close that there is no space nor air between them, so close that if Seungyoon closes his eyes he can see his dreams, he can taste the oxygen coming, expired through his parted lips that are on his - he savors it as if asphyxiating, Seunghoon can always bring him back to life so simple, a world, a kiss and he can breathe in again by himself, he doesn't know where he would be without Seunghoon - and he doesn't want to know, the mere thought makes his chest constricts painfully, tears falling down.

Seunghoon's hands are soft against his cheeks and he lets the feeling sink into him like rain. He stares into his eyes and brushes off the hair falling onto his sides, gently caressing his ears. There is so much love, so much adoration filling him whenever they are like this, sharing bed and dreams.

Under Seungyoon, Seunghoon's chest is exposed and the moon paints it blue like a sea and Seungyoon feels the pang inside his ribs, the necessity to touch him, to feel him, to sweat his name until wasted, until all that will remain of it will be his love for him.

When Seunghoon smiles only for him to see, Seungyoon feels the blessing that it is to be loved because all the emotions are reflected inside his orbs and he can name all the stars inside his dreams because they are his too.  
To stop his brain for saying something cheesy and embarrassing he decides to kiss him again, full lips grasping Seunghoon's and his mouth whispers his name in a puff of air and lust, ashes that are igniting because the night is open and the room smells like jasmine and Seunghoon and it is all he wants. He focus on this and his mind turns white, all the sensations stirring his spine with the might of a thunder, a storm that falls on him and that tastes just like him - he lets him soak his body with tender lips coloring his neck pink.

It's so comfortable to lay on the bed with him, kissing him raw and slow and carefully. It feels amazing, to curl around Seunghoon, head over his nude chest and listen to his heart beating assuring - calling his name only for him to hear - hands wandering, traveling to places that are new and also already known, gentle touches that brush Seungyoon's skin and makes him shiver in a mixture of love and enjoyment and he wants it all, he wants Seunghoon - he loves him so much when his hands are groping his back like this. Like this, he can feel the texture of his fingertips underneath his skin, warm and hot and he shivers in delight, kissing, breathing in the air escaping from Seunghoon's lips, savoring his flavor. Seunghoon holds him tight, hands wrap around his hips, heaving his name like a wish.

The aftertaste of what they have done lingers in the air, bleeding sweat with soft moans and the texture of a never-ending love. Seungyoon cuddles around him, his head on his chest and kisses his skin gently while Seunghoon's lips find the perfect spot to lay on his forehead.  
"I love you, hyung" he murmurs as if a prayer, hoping that he won't hear it - too embarrassed for what they have done, for all the feelings that are consuming him and that belongs to him only.  
"Shh, let's sleep" he hushes Seungyoon, hands caressing his lips.

He holds him tight and his heart beats lulls him like a boat - it's like been back to Busan, the sand under his feet, cold and wet and, yet, sweet. Seunghoon is like this, too and, in between his arms, he feels at ease.


End file.
